So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
