I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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