I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
