Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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