Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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