I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
