do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Houston, we have a squirter
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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