You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
