i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you traded sex for a burrito?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
