you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
