i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
