apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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