i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
