weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
