So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
