Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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