that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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