There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
