So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
