I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
