one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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