He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
