just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
