is your mom at the bar?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
