Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
