i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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