I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
