Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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