but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
