you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
