she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I did not marry a roomba.
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