what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Even my vagina gasped.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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