i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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