We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
