sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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