If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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