You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
