with your own penis?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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