She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
