new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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