Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
