Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
