They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
