I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
