the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
