my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
