six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
