I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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