i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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