I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
