Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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