Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
